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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Alive

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As a child, I wanted to be invisible. I hated it when people notice me. I existed in my own world far from anyone else.

As a tween, I learned the meaning of aloof. I was a good example. I found it hard to trust anyone. I pushed people away before they could hurt me. I kept any emotion that I had. I built a wall around me and all they saw was my face.

As a young teen, I ungrew my aloofness. I learned a new trait. I became two-faced. I learned to laugh though I was devastated. I learned to smile though I was angry. I still found it hard to trust anyone. I went with the flow.

I was 16 when I started to feel different. I felt strong, confident, important and cared for. I found a place where I can pour out the uneccesarry thoughts I had.

This is where my transformation began. The place where I did not mind the attention. The place where the applause inspired me more. The place where I fought to win even though my opponent was far more experienced than I was. The place where I realized I am worth something. The place where I knew I was truly alive.

I came back to this place during the moment when I was way down. The moment I plunged into the water I let out all the unhealthy emotions and thoughts I had. My coach ordered me to slow down and pace myself. I only heard his instructions on what I should swim. I swam until my shoulders and legs felt like jelly. Surprisingly, I did not feel any physical pain after the intense workout.

Again...

I felt relieved.
I felt energized.
I felt positive.
I felt ALIVE.

Blessed be.

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